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Friday, October 31, 2008 @ 11:39 PM so de story begins with me meeting up with sally. chatted. squabbled. just loving with each other. went to get redzuan's pressie, omg, can u believe? dey wanted to get a ZARA shirt. im like, im not working, hello. hahas. we didnt knw his taste. so we went and ate at LJS first. i cudnt eat my portion, so dearest sally had to eat it. went to meet nani n her fren.. n we finally settled for topman's shirt n wallet. followed dem to eat. den dropped a bomb on sally, dat im nt gg. she wasnt happy n all. im sorry. but i relli din wanna go, so i gave de excuse of meeting up with him. which i did afterall. today, was the first and the last. sounds like im gonna die or sth hahas. tdy: 31st October 2008. i first started dis blog on de 12 july 2008. with sudden onset of rekindled feelings for him. and i first had a crush on him in yr 1. tdy, we went out together for de first time, just de two of us, and sadly, it'll be the last. it sounds unfortunate, but its happening. it was tdy tt it was decided tt we are just frens, and nth more can happen from dere. it was hurting, and its still hurting for me, but im just hanging in dere, forcing myself to move on, cos tts wat he wants for me. we went to merlion and chatted for over 2 hrs plus.. during our convos, we were laughing, crying (me only), and just having fun. dere's a part to me which was just wonderin, we're having such a great time now, why isnt de possibility dere? of cos, dere's always more to it den it may all seem. ultimately, de decision now lies with me. am i able to get over it, so tt we cn still remain frens? or am i not gnna get over it, n hence, we are just schoolmates? i've only told dilraaj so far. truth is, its so much harder for me. its even harder than a breakup. cos i've really fallen hard for him. if i were to tell him tt dere n den.. he'll go on to say, how do u even define love? i cant define it. its just sth one feels. yes at dis age, what shit is love really? and wats more, we still haf a long way to go. but de way i feel for him was always so special, so different. and it will always be so. tt is why it doesnt matter if de choice lies with me. to move on, get over it, as much as it hurts so bad inside, but i just cant cry, i just hafta do it, cos it'll be better for him, n probably for us. all along, i just felt tt so long as i had de slightest hope, in de end, one day, it may come true. but its nvr gnna be. probably i'll learn sth out of this. but den again, maybe i just don wanna learn anything. from this. i wanna cry. but im so numbed inside. my heart is shattering, but im forcing myself to pick up de pieces. i dont wanna move on, but im trying to let go slowly. i dont wanna walk away, but im dragging my feet as i do so. dere's a lot of things i relli don wanna hafta do. but i've gtta make de sacrifice. its killing me. but. i just gotta do it. dont take pity on me. but dont go tellin me i'll find someone better. dont hate him for anything. cos its not his fault. life's a pretty bitch really. it gives you moments to enjoy n be happy with, and den at once, it takes all of tt away. like he said : takde jodoh. hahas. sad, but true. for once, let me be genuinely sad. hahas. =( |
colourful 12 June 1989 19 goin 20. yeps. dark, short, ugly but considered adorable.hahas. psychotic. in a nice way:D Click here if you want to leave. loves all my lovable peeps. dark chocs. walking aimlessly (at times) reflecting. HAHAS. being my psychotic self. CIP sessions. muahahas. my 2 chubby chubs bunnies. gossips :D ESCAPADES class hugs sally loves mellarla merv de lovin giant azhar into the past July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 APPLAUSE basecodes by: detonatedlove/♥s} images: photobucket designer: /♥s}summerkisses} |